islandhippy

This morning I walked to Alexandra Hospital (taking a shortcut through the morgue, which is rather appropriate) to pick up my health screening report. Two weeks ago I'd spent a morning at the hospital doing blood tests (two rounds because the first nurse couldn't find a vein), urine and stool tests ("please don't go there" Sandy), blood pressure, ECG and eyesight tests.

When I arrived at the "Health for Life Centre" this morning the doctor sat me down and explained that I'm carrying around a lot of extra baggage! Apparently I need to lose at least 5kg (11lb) although I quickly pointed out that the nurses had weighed me with all my clothes on! (During the weigh-in I offered to strip for the cute Malay nurses but they turned me down.)

My cholesterol levels are as follows:

• Total cholesterol: 5.56 mmol/L (215 mg/dl) = borderline high
• Triglycerides: 1.96 mmol/L (174 mg/dl) = borderline high
• HDL (good cholesterol): 1.11 mmol/L (43 mg/dl) = desirable
• LDL (bad cholesterol): 3.70 mmol/L (143 mg/dl) = borderline high
• HDL ratio: 5.01 = not good!

My BMI is a bit too high and needs to come down. My body fat is way too high (no more processed pizza and hot dogs for me). My phosphate levels are too low (processed pizza and hot dogs here I come). And if that wasn't enough, the doctor really had to stick the knife in by claiming I have a build-up of ear wax!

Luckily my ECG, chest x-ray and blood glucose results were fine and my eyesight is perfect.

The doctor suggested I cut down on red meat and was not impressed when I told her I'd barbecued a massive steak the night before. She also asked me to cut down on intestines and fish roe, which should be easier to follow. She was a little confused to learn the monthly alcohol consumption figures on her report were in fact my weekly alcohol consumption figures and she didn't appear to be familiar with binge drinking so obviously didn't train in the UK.

I'm devising a fitness plan now and will share it with you if it ever comes into being. I did poke my head round the door of the gym at work this afternoon but it made me rather queasy.

UPDATE: I bought a healthy salad for lunch yesterday (costing me twice as much as local fare) and I now have food poisoning! I've had to take the morning off and work from home.

UPDATE#2: Both Olive and I are unwell, it's probably a stomach bug. Sandy and I have had to cancel our 7th wedding anniversary dinner tonight. I'm on soup until further notice. "That should help you lose weight!" Sandy